18 Nov Skyline: What the heck were they thinking???
Sorry I missed last week. My laptop was in the shop…and my blog password was on it.
A lot has happened this last week, first off I’ve locked the edit on my short film “Certified!” I’ve also made good progress on a new feature screenplay and learned some cool new things in After Effects. But that’s not what I’m going to be writing about. Today I want to write about the film “Skyline.”
Last week Clovis and I went to the Arclight Pasadena to catch the film. Now we are both fans of sci-fi. The good, the bad, the cheesy…we can enjoy it all. But even we have a line. “Skyline” rode over that line like a bear in a tutu rides a unicycle. And the films makes about as much sense as that analogy.
***Spoiler Alert****You’ve been warned***
I almost don’t even know where to begin…well, I guess the beginning is as good a spot as any.
Most of the film takes place in a posh “LA” apartment. It’s the “Penthouse” although…there are multiple apartments on that floor? (I’m confused already) It’s owned by a sweet buff black dude who’s an artist? rapper? director? VFX company owner? The film doesn’t bother to make it clear…but it is clear that he’s cheating on his live in girlfriend with his almost live-in assistant.
In this apartment they have AUTOMATED CURTAINS.
A large, like really large, part of the film’s “plot” involves the curtains. Are they up? Are they down? What happens when they fall? The characters spend a TREMENDOUS amount of time adjusting them. And then talking about how bad it would be if the curtains FELL.
um…you guys know there’s at least TWO other rooms, right? Am I the only one that thinks maybe you should go in one of those?
Of course, when the curtains are functioning…the characters still need to know what’s going on outside. So they use a telescope.
Luckily for the other people in the room…and us…the telescope is hooked into the flatscreen TV!!! That way, we can see what the person looking into the scope sees, then we can all discuss it! Also lucky is that fact that the telescope operators are VERY good at following action – including SPEEDING JETS and MISSILES.
Oh, it’s also very lucky that even during a MASSIVE alien invasion the power grid is still functioning! Our national defenses might go down…but good ol’ LADWP – they keep cranking out the juice! This is important, cause if there was no power how would we see the Aliens through the telescope via the HDTV????
I know, maybe we could go to the roof…with a handgun and get a better look. Along the way, let’s get scared by a neighbor for NO REASON.
The characters go up here to “see what’s happening.” Because apparently, at that time opening the drapes was not an option. While up there, they almost get attacked by an alien.
Then later, on at least one occasion they go BACK on the roof because…it’s safer? they want to escape? I have no idea. Their goal is to get off the building and to safety, which at one point they say is the Marina. So how would going to the roof help accomplish this? It seems going on the roof would limit your options of, well, um…going anywhere??? Am I right?
Of course, it does give you the option of having a JET bounce on the roof and fly over you. Because a 60 TON jet would really “bounce” as it crashed onto the top of a building. And if it DID bounce there would be no wind, fire, or debris that would hit the characters. None…
But somehow the characters manage to defeat an alien or two on the roof. And in the process, they realizes that “OMG, the aliens have HUMAN brains in them.”
So basically, the movie is now like “The Matrix…but with brains.” Okay…that’s cool. I guess. The aliens need to harvest human brains. That’s creepy! So they come to Earth and start collecting EVERYONE so that they can harvest their brains.
Once inside the alien ship we get the big reveal…the Aliens actually run on HUMAN brains. The brains of humans become the brains of the aliens!!! They are using us against ourselves! Oh the humanity!!!! (get it? get it?)
So they take our brains use them and then poop the spent brains out before getting a new HUMAN brain…they uh…
“Wait, you said these are ALIENS right?”
Yeah, that’s right.
“Like, they came from OUTER SPACE?”
Yeah, they totally flew their big ass starships to Earth and starting invading…cause they need our brains!!!
“Um…so what did they run on before they got here?”
Wait, what? The aliens need something that DOESN’T exist off of earth to run their entire species?
but what did they?…
I mean, wouldn’t this have been a?…
owww…my brain hurts.
(see what I did there??)
Not only is the derivative, unimaginative, and hackneyed…it also DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.
But at least the aliens looked kind of cool…